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New year, same ol’ shit. The petty drama between Captain Sandy and Max about the crew food (or lack thereof) that closed out 2023 is so ridiculous that I can’t believe we were forced to wait two weeks to see the predictable way it played out. Even after Max explains that he meant there wasn’t any food specifically for him since he wanted something more “digestible” than pasta, Sandy is like, “Yeah, but you lied,” and then tells us that she doesn’t tolerate lying and insubordination before proceeding to let it slide. If there were any truth to that statement, Kyle wouldn’t still be here, but I digress. Max is undoubtedly acting like a child, but, like most things this season, this whole situation based on miscommunication is being blown way out of proportion.

Even after Max gets food and some time to relax, he continues to whine about being tired, as if he’s the only person on the boat working nonstop for long hours. For instance, when he’s asked to take the tender to shore while watching cat videos in bed, Max asks Lara — who’s been picking up his slack since day one — to do it instead because he has “no energy.” Later, when Luka confronts him about expecting him to do something when he’s told to, Max claims that he doesn’t complain, which has proven to be false, and that he can’t give everyone his best if he’s not at 100 percent. Everyone’s exhausted, Max, just suck it up!

In other news, Luka’s chats with Katie Flood start making waves after Sandy notices Luka smiling at a text from her on his phone. She teases him about having a crush on Katie, and then later in the crew mess, points out in front of everyone — including Jessika — that Luka is texting his “girlfriend” and can tell because of the smitten look on his face. To be fair, Sandy likely had no clue that Jess and Luka were a thing, but for Luka to not assure Jess afterward that what Sandy said isn’t true is a red flag. Jess is “fucking triggered” and finally comes to the realization that Luka is a fuckboy, which shouldn’t come as a surprise considering he (1) has a butterfly chest tattoo and (2) started pursuing Jess five seconds after his relationship with Natalya hit a dead end.

In the interior, Tumi is so impressed with Lily’s improvement that she calls her the “saving grace” of the charter in the absence of Kyle and decides to have her accompany the guests on their happy hour excursion at a castle in Santa Margherita. This is when Lily’s actual service experience comes into play and is put to the test, and I’m happy to report that she knocks it out of the park. The guests enjoy her games and drinks so much that it’s practically the first time we’ve heard zero complaints from them. Lily deserves Kyle’s share of the tip solely for this reason.

Once the guests return from shore, it’s time for dinner in the dark, meaning they’ll be eating their four-course meal while blindfolded. The primary emphasizes to Tumi beforehand that service is the key to success since she has to guide them through eating each dish while they attempt to guess what’s on their plates. The pressure is on, not only for her but for Jack too, since it means the focus is entirely on the flavor, but luckily, he dodges a bullet and manages to serve a meal that everyone can’t find an issue with.

Elsewhere, Jessika fills Lara in on the Luka drama and how she’s hurt that he’s apparently being romantic with someone else. Once Lara reports this to Luka, he ends up telling Sandy that her comments landed him in hot water, and she says that she wasn’t aware he and Jess were a thing (“Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” she jokingly tells us). I doubt Sandy would’ve mentioned it had she known that Jess and Luka were hooking up, but when Luka apologizes to Jess and says that Sandy was just joking around since he and Katie are strictly friends, she accuses him of lying and ignores him for the rest of the night.

In his confessional, Luka says that he isn’t getting a “fair trial” and has to prove his innocence to Jess. Minutes later, he’s texting Natalya that he misses her, so he’s really just full of shit (again, not a surprise). He might be innocent when it comes to Katie for now, but the real problem here has always been Nat. Although Jess eventually forgives him the next day because she wants to continue having fun and claims that she doesn’t care who he’s talking to since they aren’t exclusive, I have a feeling she’s going to lose it when she finds out he’s been sexting Nat the entire time she’s been developing feelings for him.

Now that it’s guest departure day, Kyle is miraculously feeling better now that he doesn’t have to do any hard work and can take a cut of the tip despite having spent the majority of the charter sleeping. While Billy and Co. were mostly assholes, they certainly put their money where their mouth was and gave the crew their biggest tip of the season, $32,000. Then it’s time for the night out, which Max opts out of and Lara skips due to illness. As Tumi points out, this is probably the first night out where everyone isn’t at each other’s throats but instead having a refreshingly fun and drama-less night. At dinner, Jessika tells Luka that her post-season plans consist of a “YOLO” week, which prompts him to suggest that they go to France together. By the looks of it, this idea won’t come to fruition regardless of how much they talk about it because when has a boatmance’s offscreen trip ever been a success?

Meanwhile, back on the boat, Max walks around in a red robe, which he says he loves because it’s so bougie and cool that “you can shoot a hip-hop clip” in it. Max might be annoying as hell during work hours, but he’s been the king of confessionals and one-liners this season, so I can’t help but adore and appreciate him for this entertainment.

When the crew returns, Lily drunkenly attempts to crawl into Max’s bed, which he doesn’t want since she apparently reeks of alcohol and cigarettes. A French man complaining about the smell of cigs … who would’ve thought? Jess and Luka, on the other hand, cover their bed in a sheet for privacy but end up getting interrupted by Kyle and Tumi since boundaries don’t seem to exist here.

In the morning, Lara wakes up still feeling sick to the point where she can barely walk and finally tells Sandy that she has flu symptoms, so Sandy concludes that she needs to leave the boat to prevent anyone else from getting infected. We also finally get to hear from Haleigh after a period of radio silence, as she informs Sandy that she’s been throwing up for two straight days and will give her an update over the phone in next week’s episode. With Lara and Haleigh now off the boat, Sandy’s in a difficult position since the rules state that she can’t leave the dock with only two people in the deck crew, which would be a pretty nightmarish end to this tumultuous season.

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